The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
