if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Will exercising make me less horny?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
