I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
