Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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