Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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