Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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