I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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