respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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