well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
