see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
