hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
