i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
