and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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