Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I stole a fireplace last night.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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