they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
