I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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