Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
