I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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