Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
