ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize