in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My balls are so social today.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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