Fuck appropriateness.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
