hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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