May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
