Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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