I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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