you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
