Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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