Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
