is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
