I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The best revenge is premature balding
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
