So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
