Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
