Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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