I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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