it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
So squirting runs in the family.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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