i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
