My girlfriend figured out who you are.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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