i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
