I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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