porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She's the barista slut.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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