it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
