i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
