Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize