he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
