My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
