Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
