she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize