Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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