i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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