the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
