He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize