i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
