i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize