So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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