I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
