Please, let me fuck your mom
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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