we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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