Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
