Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
