the condom got lost in my hair
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
