who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
