it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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