He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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